Why I (finally) joined Substack

I’ve been considering starting a blog for what feels like forever — ever since I started to post more authentically online and began my practice of exposure therapy.

During this time the pull to post more consistently in a space designed for just that has increased in intensity. It has been a bit of a meandering path taken to reach the land of Substack, one filled with many trials and tribulations, doubts and fears, and most of all a deep rooted attachment to a perceived sense of privacy and image.

I have always loved to write — even as a young child, coming up with stories about fairies named after garden flowers, and strange shapeshifters luring people out to sea. My imagination has always been a vivid and visceral place — a place I feel devoted to connecting with more and more.

As a child and teenager I was an avid reader and lost touch with that as I had lost touch with a lot of the things that lit me up during my mid to late teens and early 20s. Reading has always been healing for my overactive and anxious mind. It has provided me with a sense of safety and connection while fulfilling my natural curiosity on a variety of topics. Over the past years I have been slowly finding my way back and now am happy to feel yet again connected to such an enjoyable pursuit of time.

I suppose this space to post and share is somewhat a love letter to my younger self. I do not remember having a strong dream or desire of what my future would look like (aside from the short-lived and very typical rite of passage - a wish to be a vet) but I had many inspirations and loves. Books and writing being two of the most important ones. And the investigation of what lies beneath large rocks another — woodlice being my favourite discovery.

Over the past few years I have been connecting more and more with my inner child and that sense of awe and wonder that had been overshadowed by my long list of shoulds and should nots. I am now coming to the realisation that all I had been searching for externally resided inside me this whole time. Something I have seen reflected across social media and among friends — that our purpose could lie amid and amongst our childhood desires.

Now looking back over the process of arriving to this particular place — One of an increased desire to unveil my vulnerability and express my passions more and more — I think I needed to experience a period of time of unruliness and confused chaos to explore uninhibited and with no goal or intention in place.

It seems fitting that with all this energy of new beginnings seen in nature, the stars and ancient systems that I have been feeling ready to embark on a more structured creative journey and open myself up to a world of new experiences. I am excited to explore what Substack has in store and also what lies underneath the once heavy but now a good bit lighter metaphorical rock lying within.

Me (in pink) and my two childhood best friends whom I still love dearly to this day.