The Waiting Room
I don’t remember when I stopped speaking to strangers. I don’t remember the exact moment I began to believe I was bothersome, disturbing their peace, a nuisance even.
I used to move through the world open, open to experiences and people too. But that all seemingly evaporated out of me in the distillation machine of my early 20s, where the intensity of experiences made me doubt my reality and peel back layers much too fast leaving me shivering, exposed, not ready.
And now as I have this time, this peaceful period, hard earned even so, where I get to rebuild from the ground up, I found myself sitting in the dentist’s office and noticing a lady wearing intricately patterned crocs.
My instinct was to compliment them and then almost immediately my critical voice overshadowed my initial thought. The assumption I may bother her loomed over me as other arguments made their point. If you feel like complimenting people, you should came through eventually — it’s a nice thing to do.
After a back and forth I somewhat blurted out “I like your crocs” to which she smiled and said “Tweed!”
Yes they’re nice, they give an illusionary effect, I replied.
I never take them off, they are so comfortable. They have spikes in the soles.
Ah acupressure points, nice! I’m more of a Birkenstock kinda person but that does sound lovely. A constant massage.
And then after a pause and a rest I heard her picking at her nails and observed she may be nervous for her appointment ahead, as I for sure was.
So then prompted by my curiosity and spontaneous bravery I asked - Is this a scary one? No not at all just some shaving down of a tooth. And you? Yes, two fillings in between teeth. Haven’t a clue how that works, ignorance is bliss though I guess. I’m having thoughts of them going through my jaw? To which she winced and laughed and from there and then we chatted continuously.
From her work with horses and dogs, and mine with yoga and soon to be somatics. To our mutual love of solitude, of time spent by ourselves, in nature preferably. Naturally of course the weather was also discussed along with climate change and even death. We talked about dancing and the special joy of dancing alone. I shared my enjoyment of ecstatic dances where one can experience the same feeling but surrounded by people.
We joked, and laughed and went at a pace that made sense for two who enjoy time spent in solitude. Taking pauses and moments to reflect on what was said and both of us mutually keeping the conversation alive with curiosity and depth.
When the dentist finally came down to pick me up, she called after him to take care of me. I waved goodbye with a smile, feeling connected and alive, and much less afraid of what was to come next.
